The hawk is here again

How I wish you were here with us. Watching the wind whip through the trees, your hair blowing the curls every which way. I can picture you outside, strong and healthy. Before the sickness got you. Before you were exposed to something that would kill you. Before you had lost faith, lost hope. You were so full of life, love and laughter. Why? I keep asking the same question. No answers. No solace, no comfort. Only the void.

I see so many strangers, reaching out to their fellow man, yet I remember that you couldn't understand, nor could I, why you were denied hope. Oh there was false hope, offered with smiles and concern. It would never be. I wish there was an answer to your question. I wonder if your words meant anything to them?

I think you saw your grandson before he was born, in a place I cannot imagine. He is such a loving little boy. His life is a joy in my heavy heart. As if he knows who you were, he listens to me as I talk to him.He loves your music, and he stares at me with wise eyes as we sway to Million Roses. When I hold him under the trees you planted, and tell him about you, his little hand in mine, it feels as if you are standing there with us. I tell him how you would have loved him, and how you would be so happy to know that the trees shaded his little body from the bright sunshine, how someday, he will climb those very trees.

Then I saw the hawk...I remembered what you said. He circled us, swooping so low I could see his underbelly, then he climbed into the air, so free, and suddenly he was gone.

Three years ago you were in the hospital, and the news was not good. Your eyes had such love in them, you had held my hands in yours, and told me you were ok with what would happen. You knew, but I could not admit that your final journey was beginning. Suddenly, I'm here, alone. No one fills the void. I am loved, I know. I have been blessed because you were in my life, but it will never be enough. Not measurable in weeks or months, nor years.

Now there is only disbelief. I have your last words embedded in my heart. Carved with tenderness, they will remain there until I join you.

So to those that have read this blog, remember....if you have a chance to save a life, why would you turn away? It is not always easy, nor possible, but to have tried would not be in vain. It would be honorable.

There were so many of them....